I’m writing this post because most people do not know how to use Twitter. Most of my personal friends are against joining because they see it as the newest social-media fad that will die out like the way MySpace is trending. (MySpace sucks by the way.. unless they change the name to ‘MySpam’).
You might say to yourself.. “I don’t care what other people had for lunch..” or “How are you supposed to say anything relevant in 140 characters?” While it may be true that one day Twitter may die out.. the truth of the matter is most people simply don’t get it.
Twitter is actually very useful and I could probably write a book on how I am using it alone. There are millions of different ways you can utilize Twitter.. so let’s check out the way a dope dealer might use it…
Dope dealers have always been at the threshold of every aspect of communications technology. Walking around with a beeper/pager (rmr those?) immediately stereotyped you as either a doctor or dope dealer. If you weren’t wearing a suit or scrubs then guess which one you were? Beepers like Twitter were limited to a certain amount of characters you could type. Then came the mobile phone which allowed dope dealers to move their deals from the 25 cent phone booths to anywhere they pleased. But these pieces of technology also brought on problems.
The Challenges for Dope Pushers:
- Finding new clients (not really a problem but run with me here)
- Having to deal with Tyrone Biggums calling every hour to see if you’ve replenished your stock
- Calling back every client when you get in a new shipment
- Having to constantly deal with druggies
The Approach:
First, you would need to set up a twitter account. Pick out a name, set it up, blah blah blah. I’ll leave it up to you if you want to keep your tweets private or public. Public tweets might attract potential clients but will probably attract other problems. I would recommend you keep them private. You’ll find this option in Settings>
If you keep them private then anyone who is not approved to follow you will see this…
Second, let all your clients know that they can follow your tweets to always be in the know.
Third, find new clients by doing a search for relevant keywords. Here is an example with the phrase ‘weed connect’:
The Idea:
Use your twitter to broadcast whatever message you want, so all your clients are aware of your status. Here’s the idea…
Not only can you update your recent inventory status, you can even become a great source of information by ‘retweeting’ information to what is relevant in your industry by copying and pasting other peoples info and adding the letters ‘RT’. In the picture example above, you will see a retweet of @marijuanaUpdate’s tweet about Drug War Robots. At the same time, another great way to keep up with information is to follow your local police department and any other feed you think might be helpful.
Conclusion:
I’ve showed you how to find new customers which can increase your demand and revenue. All your clients will already know your status so there is no reason for you to call them or them to call you. You’ve probably saved money from reduced cell phone bills and best of all you don’t have to deal with them. And your clients will even appreciate the instant customer service they are receiving without any headaches on your part.
As you can see twitter can be useful for a multiple amount of reasons. Whether it is to promote your business, meet new people, or stay updated with your favorite celebrities, news agencies, or crack addicts. Even though this post was written as an informative joke, you’ll be surprised by what people are actually doing on Twitter. For example.. take a look at these ‘escorts’:
If you liked this article, please leave a comment. If already have Twitter… you can use your Twitter (or even facebook) to login with one click.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
